when there's another way

As I start into the final weeks of my pregnancy, there are countless thoughts floating around in my head. Have you ever heard the saying that women's minds are like a bowl of spaghetti? Everything we do all day long leads us to think about another task or question which leads to another and then another.

*Side note: Apparently men have brains like waffles and are very good at compartmentalizing...sometimes I wonder what that must feel like!

Anyway...my thoughts are probably not much different than all of the other mommas out there in their third trimester. However, there are a few choices we have made that are not on the road well-traveled in this area of the world. Many of the beliefs I now have as a mother I never knew were possible when Ryan and I first got married. If it wasn't for a few incredible women (and men) who were willing to share their story, I would have had no idea what a Husband-Coached Childbirth was or what it meant to have a Bradley Birth.

But most importantly, I would have never known that we had a choice in how we wanted our baby to enter the world.

We knew that we wanted to have an unmedicated birth after we talked with women who had or were planning to have one as well. It fit our lifestyle. It may not fit yours, that's okay. But at least hear me out.

If you do choose to have an unmedicated birth. YAY! Congratulations! Now, get ready for question after question after question. I will never forget the nurse who gave us the hospital tour when I was pregnant with our first. Ryan told her I was going to have an unmedicated birth (I am the introvert of the family so talking with strangers is all him). She looked at me like someone would look at an abuse victim. Honest. She asked us several more times during the 30-minute tour if we were set on being unmedicated. She even looked at me once as if to say with her eyes, "You can tell me if he is pushing you to do this." She could not fathom that any woman would want to have a birth without medication. Little did she know that the video she made us watch of a woman getting an epidural just solidified it for me. No way were they sticking that needle into my spin! Just be ready for the stares and the questions. And remember you are doing nothing wrong. Women have been delivering babies vaginally without drugs for thousands of years. God made our bodies for this very job. Everyone woman should get to choose what type of birth experience they want, medicated or not, without being questioned.

Just so we are clear, I am not pretending to be any sort of doctor or midwife or expert by any means. Everything I am going to share with you is my opinion (and the opinions of others). Keep in mind that I am not trying to say that other ways are wrong. There is no shaming going on here. Like I stated before, most of these practices I would not have known about if other moms wouldn't have shared their ideas with me. My only hope is that this could reach a mom who doesn't know there is another way. Then she can do her own research and make the best decision for her family. I also understand that medical intervention is sometimes very necessary. However, I believe that it can sometimes be avoided if a mother educates herself and advocates for herself and her baby.

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Part One: Prepping for a Marathon

Don't worry, I am not going to give you a marathon training plan here...I am a runner but I honestly don't have the slightest clue on how to train for a marathon! But birth is comparable in many aspects. It's at the least an endurance sporting event. I know it might seem a little strange to call labor and delivery a sporting event but momma's we are athletes. For anyone who has ever played a sport, you know that you cannot just show up on game day. There are practices and nutritional plans to follow. The game is just the tip of the iceberg, the finished product of long hours and hard work.

Birth can be seen in the same respects. We were introduced to the Bradley Method of Natural Childbirth during our first pregnancy. Now I know what you might be thinking...Natural childbirth, you're crazy, I could never do that... Whether or not you choose to use drugs, there are still helpful practices that you can learn from the Bradley Method (I will abbreviate as BM from here on out). Here are some of the most helpful ideas we learned by going through the BM workbook and reading various books on the BM.

1. Prenatal Exercises There are so many exercises you can do to prepare for pregnancy. There is prenatal yoga, pilates, and just about everything in between. Remembering that labor is a sporting event, it makes sense to "train" like you would for any other sporting event. My favorite exercises and the ones I feel the most successful with are Kegels, cat-cow, and child's pose. Child's pose is not necessarily taught by BM but I find it releases soo much back pain. Here is a link on how on the benefits of child's pose and other yoga exercises that a great for pregnancy.

2. Husband-Coached Now, this doesn't have to be your husband but it should be someone you are very close with. Someone you will see during your pregnancy to help you practice and will be present at birth. There is a class you can attend with your coach but when we were pregnant with our first, there were no classes in our area. So we went through the 12-week workbook by ourselves and read a few BM books. Working through this together helped us both get a greater understanding of the birth process and how to prepare ourselves. The most important two roles of the coach is to be your encouragement and advocate. Through learning about the stages of birth, we knew that during transition (arguably the hardest part of labor where the contractions are the most intense and closest) I would start doubting myself. This was his chance to shine. He knew he couldn't do anything to ease my physical pain, but he could be there to remind me that transition was a good thing! It meant pushing was probably right around the corner. He also acted as an advocate for me during labor. He was able to answer any questions for me and was a filter for anything that might distract me. Mainly, no one was ever supposed to ask me if I wanted drugs. Out of sight, out of mind. I knew I wanted to do this without an epidural but during the pains of labor, there was a chance I could cave. Remember the nurse who kept questioning me during our hospital tour? If she would have been pressing me like that during labor I may have given in.

3. Learning About Your Body This was so interesting for both of us to learn. I know I would not have learned it unless someone told me to. The text we read (which I will link below) taught us about the stages of the birth process, what to expect during each stage, what your body is doing and why, and how to work through the stage. I know that some people might not want to know, but my question for them is why? You are going to be living it, why not be prepared. If you are going to run a marathon, wouldn't you want to drive the course? Find out where the uphills and water stations will be? The more prepared, the better right?

4. Practice Relaxation I have always gotten Braxon Hicks contractions during my pregnancies. This is a great time to practice for the real thing. The BM encourages women to use these false contractions as practice for the real ones. What do I mean? For example, the momma to be is supposed to relax her body, starting with the top of your head, moving to your eyebrow crease, then to your under eyes, to your nose, then lips, every inch...all the way to your toes. Practicing this level of relaxation will condition your mind to relax during labor. For anyone who has birthed a child, relaxation is not how you'd categorize it, I know, but the point is that you will be able to let go of a little bit of the tension during the actual contraction.

5. You Can Do This! The BM sets women up for success. It is encouraging women that they have what it takes to do birth without the need for interventions. The readings teach you how to prepare your body so you can run the marathon of birth. I think that sometimes women get caught up in the "pretty" parts of pregnancy...the gender reveals, the adorable outfits (for mom and newborn), the belly butters, you get the idea...that the reality of I-have-to-push-what-out-of-where hits you like the brick Kevin McCallister threw at Marv in Home Alone 2! When we get to the third trimester, we just go along with the cultural norm of accepting medicine before we have even done any research into possibly birthing another way. Again, that is the reason why I wanted to share my experience. I know it's not the norm but women need to hear that it is possible!

These five concepts listed above can work for any women, whether they want to have unmedicated childbirth or not BUT if you are considering unmedicated childbirth (or just haven't even thought about it before) I encourage you to read the following benefits to birth without drugs.

1. Ability to Move During Labor With the ability to move around during labor, gravity is your best friend. I spent lots of time leaning over my husband in a cold shower, bouncing on an exercise ball, and sitting on an exercise ball with my head on the hospital bed while my husband rubbed my back. There are other positions to help encourage baby to make his way into the world too.

2. Often Shorter Labor This plays off of number one. Being able to move helps speed up labor in most situations. The best anecdotal evidence I have for this is from a mom who said she started pushing about an hour too early. She couldn't fully feel the contractions and didn't know that they weren't "pushing" contractions yet (if you're a new mom and didn't know that, yes there is a clear difference!). She was so tired by the time she got to the real ones she didn't have much left.

3. Often Shorter Recovery Time Because I was not hooked up to an IV or other contraptions and could feel my lower half, I was able to get up and shower shortly after labor. Oh my gosh, that was amazing. Being able to walk around after birth can help prevent blood clots as well.

4. Ability to Move After Labor Again, ties into the above bullet point. Also in some hospitals, the labor room is different than the room you stay in after birth. With my firstborn, was able to get out of bed soon after delivering and move to the new room. Clean and free of the mess left behind by the miracle that just happened.

5. No Side Effects It is no news that there are adverse side effects of getting an epidural. These side effects can occur during labor to mom and baby as well as after delivery to both mom and baby. This was a no brainer for us. We didn't want to take any risks. Even if that meant I would have to go through a tremendous amount of pain. Spoiler Alert: I survived. Not only that but I am choosing to go through it a third time. God has this fancy way of making us mommas forget those moments because the reward is well worth the effort.

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This is a very brief introduction to unmedicated birthing and the Bradley Method. I know that this can be a touchy subject and I am by no means shaming any women for how they choose to deliver their babies. Whatever a mom chooses is her personal opinion. Period. The point of this post is to just tell moms that it is an option! I can remember thinking that everyone got an epidural so of course, I was going to get one. DUH! It wasn't until other women shared with me the potential risks of intervention and the benefits of natural birthing.

I want to encourage women to believe in themselves!

I have been told by several mommas, "You're tougher than me! I could never do that!" But that's not true! You can! Yes, I was a collegiate athlete and continue to live a fit lifestyle but I know so many moms who would not put themselves in the athlete category but have also had successful unmedicated births. I encourage any woman who is considering natural birthing to do their own research to see if it is best for their family. And of course, pray. God has a funny way of making his plan loud and clear if we take some time to listen.

See you soon friend,

Remember I don't got this. Neither does that Instagram mom. But remember God does.

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Something We Are Loving Right Now!

This week I want to introduce you to one of my favorite books... It has really nothing to do with this post but my daughter pulled it off the shelve the other day and I thought, man that was a great book, I need to tell someone about it! It's called To Hell With The Hustle. This book is a great read for anyone who is interested in minimalism and wants to hear about it from the Christian lens. Minimalism and following Christ go so hand in hand it is hard to deny the connections when they are laid out like in this book. I listened to it on Audible first (the author, Jefferson Bethke is hilarious to listen to and makes the book go so fast) but it was so good I had to buy a hard copy too. I am the type of person who loves to highlight and write in the margin so a hard copy of this particular book was a must! So if you are looking for a quick and inspiring read, definitely pick up a copy!