Cereal, sleep, and black holes

How I wake up in the morning tends to determine how the rest of my day goes.

Anyone else out there that feels the same?

When I can wake up before my kids, read my Bible, journal my gratitudes, and maybe even go for a run...boy...I sure feel like I am going to have a good day! I feel a sense of worth and from that, I feel prideful accomplishment. I did it! I am ready! I can take on whatever the day is going to throw at me.

Until my daughter wakes up wet and crying because she had an accident. Or my oldest comes out of his room and demanding cereal with milk for breakfast and wouldn't ya know, we're fresh out of both. And right on cue their upset wakes the baby. Oh. My. Word.

Can you just feel the tension building...ugh...I could live without mornings like these. They seem to throw the whole rest of our day off.

Or maybe it's mornings when my kids are up before my alarm even goes off. Wide-eyed and bushy-tailed, ready to conquer the day! And me? I cannot even put together a coherent thought yet. Anyone else have mombie moments like this? These are the days where I typically lose my temper over something super small. Like a toy in the hallway that literally has been there for the last 4 days but today...man...today it just puts me over the edge.

"PICK UP YOUR TOYS! Or I'm going to give them to kids who will actually appreciate them!"

Ouch. As soon as it leaves my tongue I am in instant regret mode. It's not necessarily the words I spoke to them but my heart behind the words...the tone of my voice...the sharpness of my demand for their obedience. I am actively sucking my chipper, light hearted children into my little pity party like a black hole of self imposed irritation and frustration. They did nothing particularly wrong but I am perceiving their actions (or lack of action in this case) as a burden. As an attack on my perfectly laid plans for the day.

My heart sees their needs as an interruption to my perfectly planned morning.

Maybe I'm tired because I wanted to sleep later.

Maybe I didn't get through my whole Bible Study.

Maybe I didn't answers all the emails in my inbox that needed attention.

Maybe I just cannot match their level of energy and I'm exhausted because of it...someday's I swear they get their energy by sucking mine dry!

Doesn't matter. Whatever it is...I didn't plan for it. I wanted my day to go differently and surprise surprise it didn't work out the way I wanted.

Needless to say that when my mornings get thrown a curveball...or two or seven...it is sooooo hard for me to shake off this uncomfortable feeling of...my needs were not satisfied because of “x, y, z”. And I carry a sense of frustration throughout my day because of this. I feel entitled to something that was never mine to begin with...ahhem...control over each part of my day (but we'll address this heart issue in a second).

But then, when bedtime finally rolls around and the house is quiet again, I start to examine the day. Guilt rushes over me because I know I was too harsh with my words, I know I didn't handle every situation with grace and I feel like the worst mom on the planet.

They say “interruptions reveal who we really are"

...*Deep breath* …

My name is Keelie Schroeder and I have a difficult time handling the interruptions that are inherently a part of being a mom. They reveal the idols of my heart..self-centeredness and self reliance.

Ouch. That stung.

There! Now that I can admit my sin issues, I can start analyzing what it is saying about my heart. I can begin to correct my thinking so I can be a better mom and follower of Jesus. With each interruption I have the opportunity to choose...will I trust God or will I force my will for the moment into the reality that is set in front of me.

By becoming irritated or frustrated with my children or husband for “interrupting” me, I am consciously (or not) saying to God, “The way I wanted this to go is better than the plan you have set in place for me.”

Interruptions are perfectly placed opportunities to step into sanctification. They are designed to sharpen us into better image bearers. And most importantly, they are from the Lord.

Bear with me for a minute as I recount the numerous "interruptions" that Jesus so graciously accepted as mundane opportunities to bless a sinner. For the sake of word count I am going to focus on two that I feel hit the closest to home for me...and hopefully for you too. If you have not read these stories straight from the source, I encourage you to pause, pull out your Bibles, and read them.

Interrupted By the Disciples || Matthew 8:23-27

So Jesus and his best buddies were in their boat. I assume it must have been a long day of preaching, healing the sick...you know...all the usual Godly things for Jesus because he decided to close his eyes and take a little snooze.

Not unlike when we moms decide to close our eyes for just a few minutes while "playing" on the floor with our kiddos. (Or am I the only one guilty of this?!)

When all of the sudden the waves begin to crash against he boat and they start to take on water. I can just picture Peter freakin' out. He is known to have some pretty impulsive reactions...much to which I can relate... So they run up to where Jesus is relaxing and wake him up saying...DUDE! WE ARE SINKING! DON'T YOU CARE WE ARE ABOUT TO DIE!?

But instead of rebuking his friends major overreaction. He rebukes the wind and calms the storm. He simply asks them why they are so afraid? He comforts their fears. He handled their needs with grace.

Parable of the Good Samaritan || Luke 10:25-27

So this has got to be one of my favorite of Jesus parables. I have referenced this before but please bear with me...

Basically, a man was beaten and left of dead on the side of the road. Many people walked right by but one man, a Samaritian which were not known to be the most kind of folks, stops and assists him. Going out of his way to lend a hand.

I think the part that gets me the most about this story is that one of the men who walked right on by the injured stranger was a priest. He was probably on his way to something very important. Something he had on his calendar for weeks that he could not be late for...his agenda was full for the day. Hmmmm sound like anyone else I know?

Just like when my day is packed with errands, appointments, or other tasks that are "good" things. But when someone has to go potty last minute or has troubles finding their shoes (or forgets them all together so when we get to the grocery store...yup you guessed it...we have to turn right back around). I get annoyed and lose my patience. Here we go again...I have my vision for the day and heaven forbid anyone from disrupting it.

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What now?

Well, now friend...now that we have acknowledged the issue, figured out what is says about our heart, and looked to scripture for how Jesus may have handled our situation...now we look for help imitating his actions. We put away our old self and remember that we are made new in Christ.

Let me remind you that when I say look for help...I don't mean open up a Google search and start searching for answers there. Am I the only one who does this only to end up feeling even more uncertain of what actions to take than when I started? The world tells us we can make anything happen that we want. Telling us to just wake up a little earlier and hustle a little harder, then we will be able to make the life we dream of. Just get a new routine...make a sticker chart...buy this what-ch-ma-call-it.

I am sincerely sorry if I am the first one to tell you this but although those practices can be all well and good, they will fail. If they haven't yet, trust me one day they will. Because we live live in a broken world, with broken people where nothing is forever.

But don't let that get you down! It is actually a good thing to remember! Because then we can redirect our eyes and hearts on what is eternal. We can place our hope in something...or Someone rather that is eternal, never failing, a perfect provider.

The only help that brings true rest to our weary, sleep deprived, momma hearts is looking to Jesus.

Jesus led a perfect life in our place. When I snap at my kiddos because they have woken up and disturbed momma's "quiet time" and then feel like my crabbiness has ruined the whole day, that's me putting my identity in my fallible self. That's me following my agenda. Thinking my way is how is should be. I cannot always be gracious and be all "go with the flow" when life throws me off but Jesus was.

When I place my identity in him knowing that he lived a perfect life and washes me clean with his blood, then I can move past those moments where I was imperfect. I can repent. I can ask forgiveness from God and my children or husband or whomever I wronged. Then I can move forward with a humble heart. I can accept that a bad moment does not make me a bad mom or the day a bad day.

Lord, give me eyes to see where to serve you today, strength to be obedient in the works you have prepared, and the patience to stop & serve, stay & listen, stand & be grateful.

-Prayer adapted from Risen Motherhood Ministry

Remember, I do not have it all together.

But, God does. Seek Him.