grey areas & cupcakes
- Keelie Schroeder
- Aug 27, 2021
- 9 min read
Have you ever scrolled through Facebook or Pinterest and come across this amazing thing some momma is doing with her children, thinking "Oooo I should try that!" ? And then as you scroll a little further you find another mother doing it a little bit differently, again thinking "Oooor maybe I should try it that way?" Only to continue scrolling and find about 100 different opinions on how to do one seemingly simple task and by the time you are finished your head is spinning with ideas, not sure which way to turn.
Anyone? Well, I have.
Sooo many of the answers to decisions we have to make as parents are not found in scripture. I think I have said something like this before but wouldn't it be nice if there was a chapter of the Bible that told us the holiest way to feed our children? Or maybe a book on how Jesus would potty train a headstrong 2-year-old? Even better yet, some verses on the best option for schooling...public? private? home school? unschooling?
Friends, these are all gray areas...
Topics untouched in scripture but important nonetheless. We make about 100 of these types of "gray area" decisions a day and it is exhausting. Although there are no black and white answers to be found in the Bible, we are given the gift of personal conscience. Not sure what I mean? Let me explain.
Ever get this weird feeling in your gut after you let your child eat one too many cupcakes? Or maybe an ache in your heart when your toddler watched one too many episodes of Paw Patrol? You probably felt a little guilty, like you were doing something wrong. This my dear friends is your personal conscience at work. I think many of you may have heard this feeling be called your moral compass.
This moral compass is a gift from God to help guide us in the vast gray areas of our lives. And (sound the trumpets!) there are places in scripture that teaches us how to listen to our moral compass.
Let's take a look at what the book Romans says on this topic...
Whatever you believe about these things, keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves. But whoever doubts stands condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith, and everything that is not from faith is sin. Romans 14:22-23 CSB
I find it helpful to also look at the Message translation of the same verses (Romans 14:22-23)
Cultivate your own relationship with God, but don’t impose it on others. You’re fortunate if your behavior and your belief are coherent. But if you’re not sure, if you notice that you are acting in ways inconsistent with what you believe—some days trying to impose your opinions on others, other days just trying to please them—then you know that you’re out of line. If the way you live isn’t consistent with what you believe, then it’s wrong. Romans 14:22-23 MSG (emphasis mine)
What does this mean?
It means that the guilty feeling in my gut that I got each day I went to work, only seeing my children awake for about 3 hours a day, was my conscience speaking to me. It was leading me to stay home with my children, despite the financial implications. My personal conscience was telling me that I needed more time with my children while they are little. Sending them off to daycare each day was eating at my heart. What I find most interesting about the passages from Romans 14 is that it clearly states that if we choose to ignore our personal conscience OR force our morals upon someone else, we are committing sin!
Kinda crazy to think about right? It is Truth...with a capital T...that for me going to work would be sinning against myself but for my friend who works a full time job as a dental hygienist, she is not in sin. If you were like me, then you probably had noooo idea that some sin isn't black and white like we are often taught at Sunday school.
To give you some context to this section of the Bible we need to go back to when Paul was helping build and grow the church. He was trying to teach people that although we may not all agree upon the gray areas in life, we are all united in Christ. And this concept is oh so relevant 2,000 years later.
In today's culture, we all too often write people off who have different views than us...when that was not Christ's intention for his family of believers.
Let's look at an example of how personal conscience could play out in real life...
MaryAnn: Her daughter woke up with some gunk in her eye. The eye looks a little red as well. Her daughter is playing like normal and it doesn't seem to bother her. However, MaryAnn is pretty confident she has pink eye so she takes her into the walk-in clinic to confirm her suspicions. As it turns out, MaryAnn was right and the doctor prescribes some antibiotic eye drops. Within a day or two, her daughter's eye is back to normal! MaryAnn praises the Lord for modern medicine and that her daughter is feeling better!
Susie: Her daughter also woke up with some gunk in her eye. The eye looks a little red as well. Her daughter is playing like normal and it doesn't seem to bother her. Susie is pretty confident she has pink eye so she does some research on homeopathic remedies and contacts a friend who has a vast knowledge of homeopathic remedies. Susie decides to treat her daughter with daily eye rinses with honey water and a warm tea compress. She continues to monitor her daughter's eye being sure that it doesn't get any worse. Within a week, her daughter's eye is back to normal! Susie is so thankful for the God-given, natural antibiotic traits of honey, and the soothing effect of the warm compress. She praises the Lord for healing her daughter.
You can probably identify with one of the mommas above. Annnnd you might think that the other momma is off her rocker for taking the course of action she chose. But my prayer for all of us is that we can see and understand that every momma has a different moral compass. It is so important that we listen to our personal conscience or risk numbing ourselves. Remembering that it would be a sin for each mom to go against what her moral compass told her was right.
Each woman has a personal conscience that they need to listen to or they are at the risk of sinning against themselves. MaryAnn would feel like she was not caring for her child properly if she prolonged the illness. Where Susie would feel immense guilt if she gave her child medication without first trying a homeopathic option.
To go back to the scripture passages above we can see that our call is twofold...
First...
Whatever you believe about these things, keep between yourself and God.
The MSG interpretation of this is so beautifully blunt...don't impose your opinions on others! This is something we experience over and over again when we watch the news or scroll through social media. So many people try to convince us that whatever they are doing is not only the best way of doing it but the only way. We are constantly judging and being judged (silently or not) for the choices we make for our families. This is not our call as believers. It is not up to the world to decide if the gray area choices we make are good or bad. It is between us and our Creator.
We can see this in just about any interaction we have with other moms.
To get a more clear picture of what Paul is talking about here, let's back up a bit in Romans 14 to verses 15 through 18.
For if your brother or sister is hurt by what you eat, you are no longer walking according to love. Do not destroy, by what you eat, someone for whom Christ died. Therefore, do not let your good be slandered, for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit. Whoever serves Christ in this way is acceptable to God and receives human approval.
When a well meaning momma brings cupcakes to an outing for her son's 3rd birthday. And she excitingly passes them out before lunch has been served. If we typically have our kids eat their meal before having a dessert, we can accept that this is not going to define our child's eating habit if they get a treat first on this one occasion. We can know that refusing the treat could cause a scene and know that it could make the mom feel bad. Her intentions were not a vicious plot against our healthy diet plan for our kiddos. As Paul so eloquently reminds us...the kingdom of God is not about what we eat or drink, it is about righteousness, peace, and joy.
We can see this in the park at a play date. One momma who needs to leave early because she has a very strict naptime routine and another momma lets her child play longer because it's a beautiful day. Neither is right and neither is wrong in the eyes of the Lord. We have the freedom in Christ to make these decisions for our children without having to ridicule others for their choices or feel guilty for the choices we are making.
Second...
Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves. But whoever doubts stands condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith, and everything that is not from faith is sin.
Just the other day I had two encounters of condemning myself for following my moral compass. I questioned my choices and downright felt like a terrible momma. To be honest...I was so convicted by these experiences, that it lead me to finally write this (it's been on my heart for a while and I think this was God's way of saying "Just do it already!!"). Partially to preach the gospel to myself (like I do in everything I write) but also because I think our world needs to hear this message.
This is a reminder to listen and follow that gut feeling you have in your day to day. God is using your personal conscience to tell you that something is not quite right and deserves some investigating. Like when the first thing I do in the morning is check my phone instead of pulling out my Bible study books. That guilty feeling is my moral compass saying, "Keelie! You know your days go better when you are in the Word first thing!" The danger of shoving this feeling down is that the slope is a slippery one. By ignoring the guilt, I desensitize myself to it. And when the next guilty feeling comes along, I am more likely to shove it down as well. But don't worry! We are told in that same chapter of scripture that we can realign or calibrate our conscience back toward the heart of God when we stray.
Realigning our hearts...
Over the years of mothering my children, I have found that my personal conscious has evolved. When we had our first baby and he was not even close to sleeping well at night, I read every blog and tried every method to help him sleep. When all of that failed...and he was approaching a year of age...we gave in. We co-slept. And guess what? We all were happier and healthier because of it. I resisted the idea at first because co-sleeping can be a taboo subject. I avoided talking about it to my mommy friends because I was afraid of what they would think. My personal conscience has now been realigned because of that situation to trusting that co-sleeping was the best option for our family.
This is why it is so important to examine that feeling in your gut. Upon examination, you might find that you are being too strict on yourself like I did. You can realign your personal conscience and be at peace with whatever it is that was causing you strife. Or you might examine the feeling and realize that it is justified. You can change your actions so as to not commit a sin and damage your conscience.
If I can leave you with anything it is the hope that you listen to your inner voice. That you understand there is a Biblical reason for those guilty feelings you get and you'd be doing yourself a favor to listen to them. So much peace can come from this! Imagine if we could all even do half of what the Romans 14 verse calls us to do...if we could just accept and love others with the understanding that it would be a sin for them to go against what their moral compass calls them to do! My prayer for everyone who finds this post is that we can walk alongside our sisters (and brothers) in Christ knowing that we all belong to Him! We are all united in Christ.
Remember, I do not have it all together.
But, God does. Seek Him.
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